The One with Potty Training

Fair Warning:

This blog contains the topics of poop and pee and all things gross. If you don't like gross stuff, go ahead and move about your business.   

How to Potty Train Twins:

1.) Get all the supplies you need:

     -lots and lots of undies. I would say 15-20 pairs if not more. (We say undies in our household because         the word "panties" is my most hated word of all time.)

     -at least 1 potty chair plus a potty seat to go on the toilet (because inevitably one child will want to go         potty while the other is going)

     -flushable potty wipes (not necessary, but helpful)

     -pull-ups 

     -carpet cleaner, laundry stain cleaner

     -unlimited patience

2.) Get a helper, and get on the same page as each other. Stick together and be consistent. 

-We waited for a 3 day weekend to do this new "potty training boot camp" technique, and it was really awesome! That way, hubby could help me on Monday as well. Here are the techniques of boot camp:
 a) No diapers. Ever. Say goodbye to them and never look back. Don't have any secret hidden ones for emergencies. Pull-ups are for sleeping only.
b) Let them wear only underwear.  This way, they can really feel if that have an accident.
c) constantly ask IF they have to go potty (versus taking them every few minutes). This ensures that they will be able to discern the urge to go independently without being reminded.
d) Constantly ask them, "Is your underwear dry?" so that they are learning to discern wet/dry and know the ultimate goal.
e) Give small rewards for attempts to potty, and larger rewards for potty successes. We did stickers for attempts, and a marshmallow for success!
f) Don't leave the house for these 3 days.


3.) Let the magic happen.
And by 'magic' I mean the utter destruction of your house, your patience, and everything you hold dear in life. Say goodbye to it all. Excited yet? (Don't worry, it will be worth it in the end!!!)

Here is what might happen to you:
Day 1:
Your kid will pee everywhere. All the time. A little bit here, a little bit there, as they have little to no self-awareness. Just change their clothes and remind them to pee in the potty and not in their undies.

Heck, your kid might even kindly save all of their poop for bath time  and yell, "Look! I'm swimming with meatballs, mommy!"  Or one twin might poop all over the floor while another brown-handed twin says, "Here sissy! I found your poop! Here you go!"  There might be a lot of hand washing.  Don't worry, it's just one day. It will be over soon. You can do this.

Day 2:
Your kid finally realizes that peeing all over themselves is overrated, and they decide to sit on the potty. ALL. DAY. LONG.  They have a false sense of urgency, and don't know quite how to save their pee for one larger evacuation. So they pee 1-3 drops every 2 minutes. Somehow this day is worse than yesterday. Maybe it's because you are so frazzled from scrubbing the carpet. Maybe it's because you stayed up late pre-treating Elmo underwear with stain remover. Maybe it's because you just softly wept over the loss of your Pottery Barn throw pillow. Maybe it's because the doorframe of your bathroom is brown and you're not entirely sure why. Probably it's the summation of all of the above. This is the day that you pray for patience.
You can do this. The end is near.

For both of my girls, the night of day 2, something clicked.
They asked to sit on the potty (for the zillionth time) and they peed. More than 3 drops. A real, giant pee. In a potty.
And the heavens rejoiced!!!
This is when you hug your child, and do a dance and squeal and celebrate because it has been the longest 48 hours of your life, but you finally have something to show for it!

Day 3:
This is the day of productivity. You are energized by the previous days' successes, and have a renewed sense of hope for your carpet and sanity.
My kids had no accidents. None. Once everything clicked and the lightbulb went off,  there were no  issues. It was amazing. My kids still sleep in pull-ups, but we will deal with that at a later time.

Hooray for no diapers!!!
Here's to hoping that I get back into the swing of blogging...love you guys!

The One With the Minor Emergency

Let me tell you about what happened to me last Tuesday.
You see, I was trying to be superwoman (which always fails) during morning naptime. The girls were stirring in their beds, about to wake up, and I was trying to ridiculously multi-task while I had my hands free.

These are the things I was doing:
-laundry
-cooking a sauce for that night's crockpot meal
-watching the news
-spray painting picture frames in the garage

We have an attached garage right outside our kitchen. I stirred the sauce, then went into the garage to add another coat of spray paint. Back and forth, back and forth, adding a coat, then running back inside to stir the sauce. "Hmm, this butter isn't melting fast enough" I thought, as I turned the stove up to medium. I went into the garage and did another coat of paint. I turned the knob to go back inside the house, but the door was locked.

Yes. I locked myself outside of my house, with my babies inside of the house, with something now on the stove. I still don't know how the little lock button got pushed, but it did. Begin panic mode.

I didn't cry, which in retrospect is very surprising. I paced in my garage for a few seconds, then went into action. My only comforting thought was that the babies were safe inside their cribs, not getting into anything. (Which was partially negated by visions of my sauce exploding into flames.) My next door neighbor is a locksmith! Hooray! Easy fix. I ran over there and his mother answered the door. She was an older lady, full of southern sweetness.

"Is Johnny home?" I asked.
"No, he's not, I'm sorry."
Aw crap.
"Um, well, can you help me? I locked myself out of my house and my two babies are inside. I also have something on the stove. Can I please use your phone?"
"Oh Lord Jesus, Yes!!! Come in child!!!" she proclaimed.
I was beginning to like her already.
"The phone's right here. Please excuse all this mess."
The house was immaculate.

I had never been inside this neighbor's house before, so as I dialed my husband's number, I couldn't help but look around and take everything in. This woman was perfectly neat too, with manicured nails, a neat bun, and wearing a cute jean dress. At that point, I realized what a mess I looked like. I was wearing what I had slept in (sweats and a t-shirt), hadn't showered, and wasn't even wearing shoes. Then it hit me.
 "Omigosh I'm so sorry that I'm not wearing a bra!!!" I blurted out.
"Oh honey, ain't nobody lookin' at that."
Phew.

I really can't believe that I said that to a perfect stranger, but she had this grandma-esque quality to her that made me feel at ease. Plus, I was clearly not thinking rationally. Oh well. My husband works only a few minutes away, so he could come back and open the door for me in a jiffy. I thanked her for letting me use the phone, keeping my distance as I had also realized that I had not yet brushed my teeth that morning.

I ran back to my house and pressed my ear against the door to hear if the babies were crying/smell if my house was on fire. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a miracle! My keys, in the seat of my car! I had somehow left them in the seat of the car from a previous trip! Relief rushed over me. I grabbed the keys, unlocked the door, and found my sauce mildly bubbling. The babies were happily chattering in their beds to each other.

I would say this whole ordeal lasted 5-10 minutes, but it felt like an hour at the time. I feel as though locking yourself out of your house without your children is some sort of "mom rite of passage".  And if so, I would like my merit badge now.

Life lesson learned; always hide a spare key somewhere!

The One in Survival Mode

A lot of times I feel like I'm just treading water.  I'm learning that this is ok. I'm taking good care of my babies and they are abundantly loved.

Yet sometimes I think, "Wow, I'm glad nobody is video taping me right now." Here are some tips I learned after my week of desperation.

(Partial TMI warning for those that visualize things. Or if you're a dude that I don't know well.)


TIP #1: ALWAYS HAVE FOOD
I was in Target and the girls started crying. I realized they were hungry, but I didn't have bottles with me. I was about 30 minutes away from being home, so I headed straight for the baby food aisle.  I grabbed one of those baby food squeezable pouches (I've never used one before) and opened it up right there and started feeding them. I felt like a creepy applesauce shoplifter.  I never thought I would do this out of necessity, but I did. Two screaming babies will do that to you I guess.  I fed them about half of the pouch to pacify them, continued shopping, and later paid for the food when I checked out.

TIP #2: GO BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE
My stroller is giant. From the handlebar to the end it is 58 inches.  That's almost 5 feet long, people!
I like that the girls can see me and that the car seats snap inside, but it's pretty mammoth to push. (And draws LOTS of attention.)

                                                                      (my adorable view)

So I'm in Target and I had to GO. I mean GO. Ahem. Think Bridesmaids.
In panic mode, I rushed to the bathroom with my mega stroller. I can't leave them outside of the stall. So I had to maneuver my stroller into the handicapped stall (which is harder than parallel parking). I barely fit inside. Phew. Then the girls started screaming. If one baby screaming stresses you out, try two. They want the rest of the applesauce. Every ounce of my being said, "No, Liz. Food in a bathroom is gross. Don't. They can wait a few minutes."
 No, they couldn't. So yes, I was sitting in the handicapped stall of Target with a 6 foot stroller in front of me, squeezing applesauce back and forth out of a pouch to feed my babies. If thats not rock bottom, I don't know what is.

TIP #3 DON'T PULL YOUR BACK OUT. (BUT IF YOU DO, DON'T BE NAKED.)
I pulled my back this week. I'm not sure how. I had just taken a shower, and then suddenly I couldn't stand up straight or raise my right arm. This might not be a huge deal except I had 2 crying babies in their cribs that had just woken up. I could have called for help, but I couldn't stand up or raise my arm to get dressed. I stumbled around my house in a towel, hunched over, as I tried to think of a way to get the babies out of their cribs.  I'm sure that I looked like a Quasimodo baby-napper as I awkwardly pulled them out of their cribs. They just laughed at me, since this was obviously a funny new game. Thankfully, my hubby came home from work early to help.


Sometimes you just have to make things work, even in rough situations. What things have you done out of survival mode?