The One with Potty Training

Fair Warning:

This blog contains the topics of poop and pee and all things gross. If you don't like gross stuff, go ahead and move about your business.   

How to Potty Train Twins:

1.) Get all the supplies you need:

     -lots and lots of undies. I would say 15-20 pairs if not more. (We say undies in our household because         the word "panties" is my most hated word of all time.)

     -at least 1 potty chair plus a potty seat to go on the toilet (because inevitably one child will want to go         potty while the other is going)

     -flushable potty wipes (not necessary, but helpful)

     -pull-ups 

     -carpet cleaner, laundry stain cleaner

     -unlimited patience

2.) Get a helper, and get on the same page as each other. Stick together and be consistent. 

-We waited for a 3 day weekend to do this new "potty training boot camp" technique, and it was really awesome! That way, hubby could help me on Monday as well. Here are the techniques of boot camp:
 a) No diapers. Ever. Say goodbye to them and never look back. Don't have any secret hidden ones for emergencies. Pull-ups are for sleeping only.
b) Let them wear only underwear.  This way, they can really feel if that have an accident.
c) constantly ask IF they have to go potty (versus taking them every few minutes). This ensures that they will be able to discern the urge to go independently without being reminded.
d) Constantly ask them, "Is your underwear dry?" so that they are learning to discern wet/dry and know the ultimate goal.
e) Give small rewards for attempts to potty, and larger rewards for potty successes. We did stickers for attempts, and a marshmallow for success!
f) Don't leave the house for these 3 days.


3.) Let the magic happen.
And by 'magic' I mean the utter destruction of your house, your patience, and everything you hold dear in life. Say goodbye to it all. Excited yet? (Don't worry, it will be worth it in the end!!!)

Here is what might happen to you:
Day 1:
Your kid will pee everywhere. All the time. A little bit here, a little bit there, as they have little to no self-awareness. Just change their clothes and remind them to pee in the potty and not in their undies.

Heck, your kid might even kindly save all of their poop for bath time  and yell, "Look! I'm swimming with meatballs, mommy!"  Or one twin might poop all over the floor while another brown-handed twin says, "Here sissy! I found your poop! Here you go!"  There might be a lot of hand washing.  Don't worry, it's just one day. It will be over soon. You can do this.

Day 2:
Your kid finally realizes that peeing all over themselves is overrated, and they decide to sit on the potty. ALL. DAY. LONG.  They have a false sense of urgency, and don't know quite how to save their pee for one larger evacuation. So they pee 1-3 drops every 2 minutes. Somehow this day is worse than yesterday. Maybe it's because you are so frazzled from scrubbing the carpet. Maybe it's because you stayed up late pre-treating Elmo underwear with stain remover. Maybe it's because you just softly wept over the loss of your Pottery Barn throw pillow. Maybe it's because the doorframe of your bathroom is brown and you're not entirely sure why. Probably it's the summation of all of the above. This is the day that you pray for patience.
You can do this. The end is near.

For both of my girls, the night of day 2, something clicked.
They asked to sit on the potty (for the zillionth time) and they peed. More than 3 drops. A real, giant pee. In a potty.
And the heavens rejoiced!!!
This is when you hug your child, and do a dance and squeal and celebrate because it has been the longest 48 hours of your life, but you finally have something to show for it!

Day 3:
This is the day of productivity. You are energized by the previous days' successes, and have a renewed sense of hope for your carpet and sanity.
My kids had no accidents. None. Once everything clicked and the lightbulb went off,  there were no  issues. It was amazing. My kids still sleep in pull-ups, but we will deal with that at a later time.

Hooray for no diapers!!!
Here's to hoping that I get back into the swing of blogging...love you guys!

The One With My Hands Full

My babies are 11 months old, and therefore, are into everything. You know when those crazy ladies at the grocery store said, "You've got your hands full!" when the girls were like, 6 months old? False. At the time, they were nicely strapped into their stroller. Wonderfully packaged and contained in 2 little seats. Nice and still. I will wholeheartedly agree that now I have my hands full.

 I guess one redeeming aspect of being a twin mom is that you feel like you are constantly saving 2 lives all day long. So I guess I feel like a superhero. (A superhero in panic mode.)

Here are things that my babies do/have done/attempt to do in which I have to sprint across the house to save them hourly.

-Clobber each other all the time.
-Take off their own diapers.
-Take off each others' diapers.
-Open up the diaper pail and have a dirty diaper party.
-Pull all the toilet paper off the roll.
-Poke each other in the eye.
-Pull each other's hair.
-Take off the plug covers in the outlets.  (I thought they were babyproof?)

They crawl and pull up and are trying to walk, and therefore....
-Open all the cabinets in the kitchen.
-Open all the drawers in the kitchen.
-Play in the toilet.
-Climb in the dishwasher.
-Climb on everything.
-Stand up in the bathtub.
-Knock each other down as they are pulling up onto furniture.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a bad sitcom or some cheesey Three Stooges episode. If one baby is where they shouldn't be, I'll pick them up and bring them into the living room. By then, 2nd baby has crawled into the room where original baby was. This cycle can last up to 5 minutes and always ends with 2 crying babies.

I guess having twins is very similar to having 2 singleton siblings, with one major exception:
Neither child understands what you are saying, nor the concept of danger.
For example, if I had a 2 year old along with one 11 month old baby, I could say, "No, stop that, you are about to murder your sister with that blunt object." Not with twins. They gleefully beat each other over the head with maracas; crying and laughing the along the way.

Honestly, I really do LOVE having twins though! Because of their constant clobbering and antics, they are very resilient babies! Falling over or bumping their heads doesn't really phase them. They are less sensitive when the other baby steals their toy. Hopefully that social skill will translate into playing with other children.  And my favorite part? They are so independent from me! I'm blogging right now on the couch as they sit, playing with some shape sorting toys together. They are giggling and babbling to each other. Oh wait, Emily just ripped Charlotte's bow off.  Eh, Charlotte was unphased. I will probably have to do a few mild, life-saving interventions here and there, but overall, they can play by themselves! It's wonderful! I have the greatest life.

Reading books happily together.

Yes, my hands are full, but so is my heart! 

The One With Baby Adventures

I thought I'd make you feel clean and awesome by telling you about recent adventures.

1. Poop.  I walked out of my bedroom the other day (while the girls were napping) and distinctly smelled poop. You know that smell when somebody steps on dog poop and everyone immediately checks their shoes? That smell was wafting across the house from the nursery. I found Charlotte happily asleep with her entire bed covered in poop.
Moral dilemma: 
A.) wake up your baby and clean her off (although none is near her face or hands) knowing that she will scream, wake up her sister and they both will hate you all day long
OR
B.) let your baby happily sleep in a poop bed while risking the fact that she could wake up at any time and possibly eat/play with her poop

sigh. I cleaned her up.

2. My babies can take off their diapers now. And they're tying to take off each others diapers as well. We put 2 diaper babies to sleep and woke up with 2 naked babies in pee beds.

3. Charlotte was caught almost teething on a used rectal thermometer.

4. I apparently didn't prewash my new underwear. Therefore they dyed the lower region of me fluorescent pink. For 2 days.

5. I Febreezed my jeans because I didn't have time to wash them. And by Febreeze I mean Great Value lysol spray because we ran out of Febreeze.

6. Emily ate a button.

7. I poked Emily in the eye with a baby spoon full of cottage cheese. Ok, she actually head-butted the spoon. But there was a lot of crying and cheese involved.

8. On Tuesday I preheated the oven to make cookies. I found Saturday's unbaked potatoes inside.

9. I tried on clothes in the middle of Old Navy (over my regular clothes) because my stroller didn't fit in the fitting room.

10. I forgot to wear deodorant twice. Sorry, America.

11. As I was about to put 2 naked babies in the bathtub, I found my iPhone floating in the water. (Magically, it still works!)

12. I made an insane trip to Babies R Us in which I pushed my 30 foot stroller while pulling a cart behind me. I felt like I was on Supermarket Sweep. 500 diapers. Baby food. 2 economy boxes of formula. Wipes.
Lots of employees said, "You've got your hands full!!!!" and kept walking.
Thanks. Thanks a lot, stranger. Thank you for your unhelpful, unsolicited comments.

I think other things have probably happened to me that were gross and adventurous, but I forgot. At least I'm never bored, right? :)

                                                              (love my little turkeys!)

The One in Survival Mode

A lot of times I feel like I'm just treading water.  I'm learning that this is ok. I'm taking good care of my babies and they are abundantly loved.

Yet sometimes I think, "Wow, I'm glad nobody is video taping me right now." Here are some tips I learned after my week of desperation.

(Partial TMI warning for those that visualize things. Or if you're a dude that I don't know well.)


TIP #1: ALWAYS HAVE FOOD
I was in Target and the girls started crying. I realized they were hungry, but I didn't have bottles with me. I was about 30 minutes away from being home, so I headed straight for the baby food aisle.  I grabbed one of those baby food squeezable pouches (I've never used one before) and opened it up right there and started feeding them. I felt like a creepy applesauce shoplifter.  I never thought I would do this out of necessity, but I did. Two screaming babies will do that to you I guess.  I fed them about half of the pouch to pacify them, continued shopping, and later paid for the food when I checked out.

TIP #2: GO BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE
My stroller is giant. From the handlebar to the end it is 58 inches.  That's almost 5 feet long, people!
I like that the girls can see me and that the car seats snap inside, but it's pretty mammoth to push. (And draws LOTS of attention.)

                                                                      (my adorable view)

So I'm in Target and I had to GO. I mean GO. Ahem. Think Bridesmaids.
In panic mode, I rushed to the bathroom with my mega stroller. I can't leave them outside of the stall. So I had to maneuver my stroller into the handicapped stall (which is harder than parallel parking). I barely fit inside. Phew. Then the girls started screaming. If one baby screaming stresses you out, try two. They want the rest of the applesauce. Every ounce of my being said, "No, Liz. Food in a bathroom is gross. Don't. They can wait a few minutes."
 No, they couldn't. So yes, I was sitting in the handicapped stall of Target with a 6 foot stroller in front of me, squeezing applesauce back and forth out of a pouch to feed my babies. If thats not rock bottom, I don't know what is.

TIP #3 DON'T PULL YOUR BACK OUT. (BUT IF YOU DO, DON'T BE NAKED.)
I pulled my back this week. I'm not sure how. I had just taken a shower, and then suddenly I couldn't stand up straight or raise my right arm. This might not be a huge deal except I had 2 crying babies in their cribs that had just woken up. I could have called for help, but I couldn't stand up or raise my arm to get dressed. I stumbled around my house in a towel, hunched over, as I tried to think of a way to get the babies out of their cribs.  I'm sure that I looked like a Quasimodo baby-napper as I awkwardly pulled them out of their cribs. They just laughed at me, since this was obviously a funny new game. Thankfully, my hubby came home from work early to help.


Sometimes you just have to make things work, even in rough situations. What things have you done out of survival mode?